Learning to love oneself is easier said than done, in fact, I have come to believe that may even be an unattainable myth! 

Let me explain! I have spent my life trying to be what is perceived to be a 'normal' size, having struggled with my weight from as early as I can remember, it is really hard to understand what an average sized body looks and feels like ... especially when it requires zero effort to achieve or maintain for some. Yet, for others ... we have never seen our hip bones ... and no that is not an exaggeration!

Your weight and your health

The last two years of my health have been an absolute rollercoaster. I have lost approximately 27kg's and have since regained 18kg's not even a year later. Never mind anything else, that alone makes me want to kick and stomp my feet, have a rabid tantrum and throw in the towel! But before you pooh pooh me and tell me all I have done wrong ... maybe just listen a little.

You see I followed a really strict diet for 6 months and managed to maintain my weight for 6 months until my body decided to go out of whack again. I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and was doing my best to manage my condition but then my body threw me a curve ball. I developed Leaky Gut Syndrome and as a result, my body is not absorbing my nutrients and vitamins. This progressed my Chronic Fatigue to a stage 4 and the diagnosis Fibromyalgia. This meant my hormones are fluctuating, pain and inflammation have become a constant companion and fatigue ... well, let's just say insomnia is now a regular occurrence.

So yes, your weight can be chronically affected by:
- hormonal changes
- lack of sleep
- diet
- exercise
- leptin resistance

Making peace with me

I am not looking for sympathy, but what I am trying to share is that even after losing my weight, when I looked the best I had looked in 15 years ... I still did not love myself or my body. 

Do we ever really make peace with ourselves and how we look? The fact that some of us have calves that could kickstart a Boeing and some of us have none? The fact that some of us have bellies, some have butts and some have them all at once.

So after all my ramblings, my point is that it's not my weight that makes me not like me, it's the desire to be anything but me! How cheeky is that? God made us in His own image and here I am saying it's not good enough because I want to beautiful in the eyes of "man". I wish I could say my revelation has brought about a change but in all honesty, it is a journey and whilst I am still uncomfortable in my body I am trying to regain my health. I will lose the weight again and I have discovered a passion for helping others who are also struggling with stress, anxiety, depression and illness.

Let's do this together, please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section (no trolls or spam please).