Hey peeps, I am finally back after a long hiatus ... let's hope I'm better this time around ... sorry! But whilst in this space of illness, depression and solitude I had time to think and reflect ...for real!

It's interesting how sometimes when we look at where we are in life and then make the mistake of looking back things can be rather emotional and complicated!

Life in reflection

The question that often forms in my mind is "Is This As Good As It Gets?", it can't be! I'm not done yet! I'm not ready to just sit back and accept that my life is destined to be a solo journey. It has been 8 loooooong years and often I think  - but would I know how to live as a couple again .... would I be able to do the "funky chicken" again (8 years of celibacy can throw some serious doubt around let me tell you!)

And yet still I feel the desire to love, to make love, to be loved and to feel loved again. It is like a haunting song that taunts me and teases me into a heap of tearful submission some days. But, then there are those days where life is business as usual and I plod along for months without even an inkling of my "singleness" or "solitude.

I realise that this time of the year tends to stir the longings of family and loved ones and I know that my life is pretty good ... trust me I give God thanks every day from that which He saved me ... and that which He has blessed me with.

When emotions stir

It's just that when you meet someone and you feel those emotions stirring in your heart once again, it's like a little glimmer of hope sparks to life ... whilst you struggle not to let it become a flame. You see that there is an all-consuming power and quality that lies in hope. It's an emotion that can threaten to overpower and wrestle you to the ground with joy ... only to leave you feeling shredded and unwanted in a month or two when nothing ever comes of it.

Is it safe to hope again? Is it safe to put yourself out there again - honestly no one ever knows! The truth is, we all have luggage and it's whether we are able to face the ghosts, fight the burdens and seek the light ... and maybe ... just maybe ... at the end of the tunnel your faith and faith alone will determine what the future holds.

Whilst I can't speak for your journey, I can say that I am holding out for my dreams and hopes to come through. I have discovered that I am willing to try and trust again, that maybe men can be good and that no I don't want to do life alone ... I just don't want to repeat my mistakes of the past.

Isn't life just a complicated mess!