I don't know what it is really, and I can't actually pinpoint really when my anxiety turned to depression? However, the fact remains that two weeks ago I suddenly found myself feeling sorry for myself after a long spell of just being plain anxious.

For approximately a year now my biggest struggle has been pain management with my fibromyalgia and repairing my leaky gut. It has consumed my days, as I have been determined to overcome this health issue and conquer the world.

Depression and breaking the spell

However, suddenly I have found myself sad, lonely and longing for a relationship once again. It has been seven long years of singledom and for once it feels like forever. I am usually upbeat and thanks to my faith able to push aside my feeling and march on. But this time was different I felt myself drawn towards the hurting ... almost craving people who understood my agony (even if unrealistic) because let's face it ... we all want to feel loved.

Suddenly the pain had dissipated and all I could feel was this empty void where my heart is ... a space meant to thrive on happiness and joy ... but where was mine? I felt myself drawn to God's word as I sought answers on how to move forward ... how to conquer this darkness which was so eager to embrace me when nothing or no one else would.

I found myself watching sad movies laughing at couples in love and when the lights went off, well it was just empty. Now I understand that many do not believe in God, but I do and I will not apologise for that. I went to bed after my latest crying session ... exhausted and spent and I had such a vivid dream from God.

I dreamt of a man whom I could not fully see, but I could smell him and the best way to describe it ... it smelled like home (corny but true), his eyes were a blue/grey/green colour and I was snuggled up to him.

Finding contentment

I found myself comforted and at peace, waking up and feeling this veil lift off of me. It was a promise a hope and a future ... I could feel it in my soul. I am at peace now ... I hang on to this dream and trust it will give me peace, joy, and contentment until I meet him one day.

Until then all I can say is depression is real, it can swallow you whole and without faith, I would not be sitting in this quiet space right now. Don't get sucked into the vortex, fight, use your faith, confide in friends and seek help ... it is the only way forward!

Depression hotline - click here
Suicide hotline - click here

You can beat depression!