Have you ever noticed how in spam emails, call center calls and other digital platforms that people tend to refer to a woman as dear? Well although it is meant to be polite or whatever ... I hate it, no loathe it! I am not your dear!

Address me by my name, not by some generic word that is usually used as an intro in a business letter, come on people! Let me explain ...
Being 42 and a single, divorced Christian woman is not the easiest place to be. I have been on my own for nearly 7 years now, and in that time I have done my personal reflection, my soul searching and even my healing. The problem is basically just because I am ready for a relationship does not mean that there are a wealth of men available 'out there'.

Friends have been praying for me for years and well still nothing, now don't get me wrong I fully trust in God's timing even though I may throw the occasional tantrum and 'why me' pity storm ... and then promptly get over it. But, many friends have looked at me skeptically for not putting myself 'out there' ... you know making myself available.

So to please the skeptics and eliminate the age old 'how can you tell if you haven't tried' I put myself 'out there.' I joined a Christian offline dating site and went on a few dates. Initially, my heart would start racing; I would think 'what am I doing?' Later, the adrenaline subsided, while I must be honest and say I was happy that guys were interested in meeting me, nothing came of any of them actually.

I did, however, realize that I come across as a strong woman, a busy woman and maybe even a bit aloof ... but you see a wounded heart and a lack of trust will do funny things. I don't blame these guys for not taking it further ... heck, there was only one whom I would have considered dating.

So equipped this new found info, I succumbed to pressure once again and joined Tinder ... yes, folks the 'T' word. I downloaded the app and had to learn all about swiping right or left and then had to sit back and wait. It was interesting, to say the least with quite a few hits, again I was surprised ... that is until I realized many of them were weirdoes. I got everything from guys claiming to work on oil rigs and visiting 'Kuruman' as a holiday destination (really? who does that?), to a man named Michael who freaked out when I asked him to call me by my name and not dear! (yes, there it is again!)
Long story short, it's going to be another Valentine's Day spent with my two kitties (the men in my life), and I have come to the conclusion that it's up to God and only God now! Yes, it's a tough choice, and it sure get's lonely sometimes, but at least I'm not filled with false hope, weirdoes and feeling inadequate.

So please to all the nay-sayers I have tried, I am not interested and please don't call me dear!