I find myself strangely moved to share another little snippet of my life and how I gave up on my dreams, morals and ambitions to fulfill a 'shelf life' put in place by my family and society.

I'm resetting my moral compass

It's so funny as I sit here today, I am actually working and trying to catch up on a backlog of work so that I can take leave in the next few days. Suddenly Adele's song SEND MY LOVE came up on the play list. Now it has a catchy tune as one would expect but it also shares a little insight into the emotional hurts of failed relationships and the emotional conflicts that crop up as we move on.

You see I was once married and it went horribly pear-shaped due to multiple layers and levels of lies and deception on my ex's part. Was I innocent? Hell no! I chose to do the ostrich move and bury my head wishing it all away ... that is until I found myself stranded and alone with all my belongings on a pavement. Whilst I won't go into the long and sordid explanation, the point is that I now know that giving up your personal morals and beliefs can only lead you to disaster ... especially for us Christian folk.

I will say that despite my divorce I do not live under a label or umbrella say 'DIVORCED' in fact I am often surprised by how few of my friends know that I once was married ... actually, I think many just simply assume I have always been single, partly my fault as I never talk about my marriage ... but I choose not to dwell on the past and that which was lost. Is this a bad thing? I don't think so!

What I do know is that when I do meet my 'Mr. Right' I will choose to live my life to this anthem 'Like I'm Gonna Lose You' Meghan Trainor feat. John Legend as cheesy as it may sound. I think many of us do not value what we have until it is gone, we chose instead to focus on that which does not meet our 'fairy-tale' dream-like idea of reality. The truth is relationships are messy, they take work and constant growth but that does not have to mean sacrificing your morals or values!

As women, we deserve to be heard, and a NO in the bedroom is a NO period! It is not alright to be smacked around and told it's our fault! It is not okay to be verbally abused, these words can often cut far deeper than any knife and may take a lifetime to overcome! But just as much as this stands for us gals, it stands for guys too ... a screaming, swearing, or an abusive woman does not respect her husband or set an example for their children. Hitting a guy and getting away with it because you are a woman is NOT okay! Respect each other, discuss what is bothering you and when necessary seek outside help. In fact, I found Andy Stanley's 'NEW RULES FOR LOVE, SEX & MARRIAGE' a great reference as given to me by my Pastor whilst resolving my personal questions about relationships and getting rid of the fairy-tale 'Notting Hill' mentality ... those are Hollywood's unrealistic pictures of love (you can listen here, for free).

Whilst I have been fortunate enough to have not had physical violence in my life I have had many years of verbal abuse ... my food addiction became my escape. Sadly when I look back, I now realise that I gave up my morals and values when I slept with a guy before marriage (old school maybe, Christian definitely ... but more importantly a promise I made to both myself and God). I also allowed myself to be bullied into living with someone before marriage (NOT ONCE BUT TWICE), another promise I made to myself which I never stood by ... instead, he moved in of his own accord and I said nothing!

I have no-one to blame but myself for not putting my foot down and I have spent many hours sifting through the rubble of my emotions with God, BUT I am now stronger, wiser and so much more secure in who I am. Now this is going to blow your minds, but I have chosen to live a celibate life for more than 6 years, not because I don't enjoy intimacy, but rather because I value it now and am saving myself for someone special who will value my choices and the person I am today. I cannot undo my past, but I can choose who I am today and I choose to wait ... no matter how long it takes ... to be with the right (in my case God-appointed) man and for the right reasons. I would now rather be alone than just simply 'fill a gap' dictated by society.
No matter who you are, or what your journey has been ... choose to honour yourself today, live according to your personal values (incl. that of faith, culture and dreams) and do not sacrifice what you believe in to just simply tick a box or avoid loneliness.