As you can see this post is called Living Large and for good reason , I have spent most of my life living largely .... around the girth that is.

For as long as I can remember I have had weight issues and been unable to shake the kilo's despite multiple attempts, using just about every diet you can think of! I was bullied and ridiculed as school because of this cruelly being called the 'Human Hippo' by a person who was the shortest runt in our class, using me as a diversion tactic to avoid ridicule himself and in so doing creating a lot of unnecessary hurt in my life for no reason at all considering at that age I was only about 4kgs overweight. (I hope he reads this on my timeline ...shame on you! #saynotobullying)

This year when I turned 41, I decided that I am going to make my future about being the healthiest me ... not the thinnest me ... not the people pleaser me or the always got a smile on my face me ...but just the REAL ME!

I have always had an immense dislike of mirrors, glass and scales as they show me ... the me that I don't like, the me that is overweight. The funny thing is I am really loved, by all who I get to call friends and many of them don't even see my weight or the fact that I am overweight ... THEY LOVE ME FOR ME!
The problem is me, I DON'T LOVE ME! I am a traitor to team Heather!!! Whilst everyone sees a happy go lucky person, always hugging and trying to be a good friend, daughter, sister and and and! There is actually a very sad and unhappy person hiding the shame, hurt, disgust and self-loathing inside.

I have learnt to use the weight to my advantage though(clever me), I have used it to keep love and potential hurts at bay. Preferring the comfort of food and my misery, rather than allowing myself to once again be vulnerable to another person with all the potential hurts that it may bring.

Today I am sharing my journey so that I can set myself free of these chains and I can do my best to find the happy me I have lost, to try and find a healthier me that is not afraid to look in the mirror, a me that LOVES MYSELF AGAIN!

I have started a serious health journey today that is going to take a long term commitment and although I am not ready to share that quite yet, I am sure time will motivate me to change and share the adventure going forward.

This is not a feel sorry for me post or even a post that needs comments, rather it is a post for me and to me, so that one day I can look back and see how far I have truly come.

Thank you for reading this if you did and I pray that you would help a person struggling with their weight rather than 'fat shaming them', you see everyone deals with stress, hurt, pain and shame differently and what works for you may not work for others! Just because someone is fat doesn't mean they eat the equivalent of a McDonald's worth of food a day, maybe there are other reasons too!

I personally do not eat obscene amounts of food, I don't as a rule eat junk food, cake, sweets, bread or pasta and yet still I struggle with me weight constantly. ALWAYS REMEMBER: DON'T JUDGE, UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO WALK A MILE IN THAT PERSONS SHOES!

Time, age and circumstances are the great equalisers and we all have to make the most of what we have in the now! 

Today I choose change, for me!!